Reflections

It’s been a while. Not since I philosophized, meditated, or theorized about a given topic, but since I made an effort to do anything more than shout my brain’s content into the void. Last time I wrote on this site, I stated that I would only post when I felt that there were some practicality to my writing, some reason to my expression. Despite thinking relentlessly on the significance of personal purpose, the emptiness of teleological aesthetics, and other subjective reasonings, I couldn’t help but find myself living out many of these ideas anyway. If anything, I think that existence as human is even more paradoxical than I had thought close to a year ago.

Surely, there’s little about what happens in our world that seems to make sense, but we try to make sense of it anyway. Maybe it’s not actually we. Maybe it’s just the thinkers and the curious who are puzzled like so, but since I am one these compulsive philosophers, I find myself again and again trying to untie a knotted circle, confusing myself with its weirdly simple topology. I don’t believe in the efficacy or clarity of philosophy as some power-concentrating practice of self-masturbatory-mastery (Stoicism for increased productivity seems like a gross perversion of ancient wisdom meant to hone the soul). If it is practice for death and dying, then I am close to the grave already. If it is a means of flexing the mind, then I am retired and have nothing to prove. However, there is undoubtedly practicality in the use of philosophy as a tool to sort information. Because I think the relationship of consciousness to reality is like that of two conversing perspectives, I will continue to talk as I still live; and as far as any work is considered, that is all I will do. I only hope that my compulsivity in this area serves others’ craving for insight, as you reflect on my reflections on the appearances of the world.

I would like to reclaim this site and make something useful of it other than a storage facility for my old ideas; it’s served me well and could do more. I plan on posting again, though I cannot say with what sort of frequency I might write. The future is too unpredictable to maintain a singular idea of a well-drafted schedule, and graduate school is the primary focus of my life at the moment. But if you would, please indulge in my imagination. Maybe somewhere in these images we can find whatever it is we are wanting, and learn to love our wanting too. I was wanting a reason to think. I don’t think I have a serious one… no, I definitely don’t – but I am glad to say I no longer care, and I will embrace this ridiculous thinking habit in whatever way fulfills my need to kill time while I live the life I’m given.

I’ve been thinking about philosophy as the conceptual code-writing of personal psychology, except as something done to make sense of the programs one witnesses more so than to create experiences to witness. It’s weird how it works so retrospectively. It’s even weirder knowing you conceptually know something that doesn’t feel understood (until something like a year has passed). Too much philosophy will drive you mad with the myriad perspectives like trying to fit too many personalities into your head, but Watts suggested we lose our minds every once in a while to appreciate them. Until next time, see you on the flip side.

Stay tuned for more theories and crafted ideas. Thanks for your time.

Photo by Gianluca Grisenti from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/grayscale-photo-of-lake-and-mountains-4215070/

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