Most of this is just going to be questions that I’ve been rolling through recently, followed by some meditated responses to the question. Also, my previously titled “Personal Journal” series shall be henceforth known as “Contemplations”. Also also, I really enjoyed using “henceforth” there, felt kinda fancy for a moment 🙂

1. Is this the only time I’ve lived this life/moment?

Considering the idea of even reviewing one’s life after death, as sort of a score-keeping or ethical judgment of some kind, I wonder if it’s possible that even during our lives, could we have “re-done” some days that didn’t go well for the universe. But then, would that mean that it’s possible for the universe to make a mistake? If we take the totality of existence to be the same as the necessity of existence — in the sense that the fact that something exists is the reason anything exists at all — then that would mean a universal mistake is a flaw in an otherwise perfectly balanced system of order and chaos, which just doesn’t seem, for lack of a better word, realistic. Reflecting on the phenomena of déjà vu and precognitive dreams, it seems clear that consciousness can find lapses in the perception of space and time even in completely sober states of human consciousness. What intrigues me is the idea that because consciousness does not need a linear perception of time and space, we could be living these human lives in completely non linear sequences that are then compiled and played through like a movie after all the choices have already been finalized. Or could it be that this physical system is truly linearly deterministic and the nature of the soul (individualized consciousness) is the one independent, radical cause that can be said to have free will because of its inability to be replicated or simulated?

2. What does one have to accomplish in order to be able to read the code of “the Matrix”?

Many people experiencing out of body experiences (OBEs), developing masterful levels of lucid awareness through esoteric practices, or just tripping extremely vividly and lucidly on some sort of psychoactive substance(s) have reported being able to “read” reality, or see it for what it truly is. I’ve been wondering recently how much work and evolution of consciousness is required in order to achieve this level of lucidity, and what effects it has on our conception of a social person. What I mean is, if you really knew the truth of existence, and truly understood it, would you still qualify as a “normal person”, just with a set of special knowledge or abilities, or would you be something akin to the fully developed Übermensch of Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra, transcending the idea of humanity altogether through an individuating evolution of consciousness? If the latter is the case, then could you claim any sort of value in such an achievement, or would it be nothing more than a new wave in the ocean of existence, not unlike any other in its variable eccentricity? Considering the dynamic of consciousness and information as the basis for ultimate realities, to “read the code of existence”, which may just be ignored as background noise to the average mind, would you just need to re-learn how to process that information? In other words, to read the matrix, you may only need to remember how the matrix is read. Considering how troublesome it is to recall certain information that was once consciously known but isn’t currently, this seems like the ends of a wild chase of finding the right question for the answer we seek.

3. Is it ever possible to know what’s going on and what to do next in life?

Debating the possibilities I’m faced with in the immediate future, and even the near-distant future, I am once again completely unsure of what’s going to happen next in life. The feeling of not being in control of the events I am subjected to is something that I’ve considered before, and my conclusion has been that since we can’t control anything, there’s no use or point in worrying. However, we often worry anyway, and the more ‘worrying’ is a part of our character, the more it seems we’re just going to come back to this idea that we’re some fragile thing reluctantly caught in a whirlwind rather than a leaf gliding in a stream. You could theoretically say that it is guaranteed that things will be different in the future, but that’s as plain as saying things that are different are not the same, which offers little insight to existential truth.

4. Love is all I need?

Everything I’ve experienced and gone through this summer has reinforced the notion that in life, if one is living a life of love, nothing else matters. This does not mean that there is a certain way of love that must be reflected in everyone’s life, as some distortions of Christian philosophy will suggest, but that in general, an attitude of love and of gratitude for the opportunity of existence is the key to life satisfaction and fulfillment. Whether we are more incline to favor one side or another of some specific dualistic relation, being sincere with oneself and loving of the things in life which fulfill and please or displease us will allow for a meaningful and enriched life that will be much more likely to satisfy our consciousness than a life uncontemplated and unevaluated. Also, if consciousness is just tuning in to live “vicariously” through its own creations in order to experience the products of creation and destruction that it hallucinates, how should we think of our thoughts? Are they really just the conscious mind making sense of its experiences? Is there really any will in consideration, or was the decision made as soon as we received the information? Either way, could we tell the difference?

5. In a world built by illusion, what is there for a “truth seeker” to do?

‘To enjoy ourselves’ is the only answer I can come up with… Enjoy the opportunity to have a dualistic experience while seeking unity. Enjoy ‘not knowing only to find out’. Enjoy the entire process that is what seems to be best described by the word “becoming”. Because, if you don’t enjoy life currently, why not find a way to enjoy it? It’ll make passing the time a lot more bearable.